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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain, Sagittarius

A few nights ago, I typed a considerably long blog about the topic "envy" and spent around 2hrs of my precious time on it. (heck, I even thought of a blog title which had a nice ring to it...) Then, horrors of horrors, my effort went down the drain because blogspot, being elusive, decided to played a prank on me by doing some site maintenance shit and voila! (in a sarcastic undertone), my whole blog went up in smoke, never to be revived again, despite me searching furiously in my internet history or clicking the "<---back" tab. I hate to admit it, but how could I commit the folly of not saving it as a draft copy from time to time??!! (at this point I shall click "save as draft"). So anyways, after a string of !@#$%^&*(), I calmed down and convinced myself that maybe God just didn't want me to blog about that particular topic, or that it is simply fated that I was unable to publish my post. So anyway, I shall give up on "envy" and blog about something else instead.

There comes a time in the year that some people draw up a list of resolutions, and when is a better time than the end of the year? We all know that it is nearing the end of 2006. So, after brainstorming on a whole year that had passed, some people do reality checks and decide that in the coming year, they will get serious about achieving some things. Some people I know have a list of unfulfilled desires (sometimes the same every year, but they still bother to do a new one anyway) written out every year just to remind ourselves that us, the exclusive class of mammals, the Homo sapiens, who know how to read, write and communicate with something called language, should have goals in our lives and aim to fulfil them. (wa lao, I choose a really exaggerated way to put it...lol). & because I tend to think that resolutions should be made and dispelled as and when I feel like it, I don't exclusively write a list of resolutions only at the end of the year to kick start a new year. I just usually make a few resolutions when I bloody well feel like it and try to (sad to say, sometimes half-heartedly) fulfil them. But today, for the heck of it, or should I say, to be more serious about my life for once, let me just try to conjure a list of new year resolutions. So here goes... ... ...

The coveted list of new year resolutions for Melissa Leong in the year 2007:

1. To lose 12kgs (1kg per month, a realistic goal :))
2. To spend more time with mum & people who matter
3. To travel and see the world more
4. To study hard and achieve good GPAs
5. To keep lesser late nights
6. To obtain my driving license
7. To get double eyelid surgery done (hate hate hate my small slity eyes but doubt I can save enough cos I'm such a bloody spendthrift, but I will try anyway)
8. To spend more time on excercise
9. To have a healthier diet
10. To basically lead a healthier lifestyle
11. To start saving some serious money
12. To find the time to relax and laugh at myself (simply, to take myself less seriously sometimes)
13. To be less of a worry-wart
14. To be more confident
15. To be more patient and tolerant (even to some idiots who don't really deserve it)
16. To build & maintain good friendships/relationships
17. To find the time to thank people and show appreciation more often (esp. to mum whom I sometimes take for granted)
18. To build baby-step towards my ultimate goal of setting up a cafe, like, do market research etc etc.
19. To be more honest about my feelings
20. ... ... ... and the list shall stop for now because my poor brains can't think about serious stuff now.

& For the fun of it, I shall also make an absolutely frivolous list of things that can never/hardly be able to fulfil.

The Frivolous and absolutely Ridiculous list of resolutions for Melissa Leong in the year 2007:

*cue Drumrollllllllllllllll*

1. To meet Wentworth Miller
2. To meet Tom Welling
3. To meet Hugh Grant
4. To meet Keanu Reeves
5. To Meet Johnny Deep
6. To meet Rodrigo Santoro (I figured out meeting is not enough, so...)
7. To kiss Wentworth Miller!
8. To kiss kiss kiss Rodrigo Santoro!!! (worth kissing 100Xs)
9. To kiss Elvin ?? (shall keep the surname identity a secret cos I just feel like it!)
10. Heck. TO KISS ALL THE HANDSOME FAMOUS MEN!!! (now I sound really desperate)
11. To strike 2 miilion bucks in 4D or whatever D or big sweep or whatever sweep !
12. To slap Lindsay Lohan! (stupid airhead)
13. To slap Paris Hilton (another stupid airhead)
14. To slap Nicole Richie (she completes the unholy trinity of the above airheads)
15. To slap Britney Spears (her underwear or the lack- of- it incident disgusts me)
16. To slap all the stupid airheaded celebs that I see on: www.superficial.com
17. To be so damn freaking gorgeous! (now I'm acting like an airhead)
18. ... ... ... and the list continues

(Footnote: This is meant to be a lighthearted albeit bimbotic list meant for me to just express things that I can only do in my fantasies, and I already said that this list is supposed to be frivolous.)

Well anyway, one can dream of fulfilling all of the above right?

Happy 2007 everyone!

p
The most terrible thing about materialism, even more terrible than its proneness to violence, is its boredom, from which sex, alcohol, drugs, all devices for putting out the accusing light of reason and suppressing the unrealizable aspirations of love, offer a prospect of deliverance. -Malcolm Muggeridge

I was randomly flipping channels yesterday when I chanced upon a TVB drama (in case you don't know, TVB is a HK TV station). Being bored as hell, I decided to just watch it. Turns out it was set in this "ku dai" (oldern times, I think if i'm not wrong, it's the qing dynasty) era, and it was about this man who wanted to find the meaning of true love. Somehow in his quest he met this poor kerosene oil seller who fell in love with a head courtesan and it turns out that their love for each other was mutual. However, during that era, head courtesans were only supposed to be redeemed by wealthy men. So the poor oil seller was ejected from the selection process by the snoobish weathy men. The courtesan's selection criteria was for the man who could present her with the most beautiful lantern/lights because she had in mind the kerosene oil seller. The oil seller sadly left but then an idea struck him. To cut the long story short, the wealthy men each presented their lanterns made by renowed artists they hired, but the oil seller truimped because he lit the whole street with the broken pieces of oil barrel he had smashed earlier and the result was a beautiful sight. At last, he won the heart of the head courtesan. Then today I watched "homerun", and I was again intrigued. Brothers and sisters of the past do things for each other unconditionally, and lovers love unconditionally, with no strings attached. Life was so much simpler in the past! People do not worry that much about having no money. They pop babies without thinking if they have enough to support their children! Just as I pondered over all these, something just struck me...

Flashback to yesterday night... Mavis was showing me the Lancome "Hypnose" perfume that she was giving out to one of her colleagues for Christmas. I immediately asked her to give it to me instead, saying "hey, got good things don't know how to give own sister is it?" After a moment of silence, she added that she did not have enough gifts to give out to her colleagues this Christmas so it was just too bad for me. I was very pissed for some reason. Then I remembered being pissed at her for reducing my birthday present budget from $200 to $150 and then to a $115 biotherm set. Although I finally received my present, I wasn't thankful at all because I felt that I was shortchanged. Since when did money and materialism come into the way of sibling love and other forms of love and relationships? In the oldern times, life was much simpler, just watching films one would realise that people of the past could mostly lead a simple and happy life. They can sacrifice for each other without asking anything in return, but we can't do the same nowadays. We most often can't do things unconditionally for others anymore. Not even for the love of our lives or even for our parents who so painstakenly brought us up. In modern societies like the one we live in today, everything has a price tag attached to it. Level of materialism goes up and foundations of relationships and love that we tried so hard to build previously can be broken when money matters come into play. We had become a society of expectant people, we are always expecting things, and never that generous in giving. Not only in terms of money, but also in feelings and many other things. We tread carefully, we invest wisely, and ultimately, we hope to gain the most benefit. We always want something back, somehow. How many people these days can claim that they give without asking for anything in return? In relationships, we practice the same caution, we have a set of criteria for our potential partners. I am fairly sure that besides love, we also expect bread and water... and in our society these days? It's love + bread + water + security (financial or otherwise) + car + CASH (lots of it) ++++... thank you very much.

Sometimes thinking of things like these make me question myself, because I do not want to become such a person. Don't get me wrong, I think money is still a very important tool to get a lot of things done. It's just that growing up, I always aimed to be this unaffected individual, a free spirit, unchanged and unmarred by my surroundings. (even though I had my fair shares of misunderstandings with people, teenage angst and things I did that I wasn't exactly proud of) When I was younger, I always told myself that I hope to preserve some innocent and carefree quality, I wished to never become overly materialistic and self-centred. But more than lately, it seems that I am falling short of this goal. Yesterday was a typical example and a wake up call to myself as to what kind of person I am turning into. Am I turning into a materialistic person? A material girl? That I will get angry just because my sister refused to give me that perfume? That I am ungrateful despite the eventual reception of my birthday present? I realised that I don't only portray such behavior towards my sister, but also sometimes towards my mum and my friends. I also kept telling my mum that I want to be so damn bloody rich so I can do many many things. I don't find a problem with me or anyone wanting to be damn bloody rich, but I do find a problem with my own attitude and how I am letting materialism change me. That I am letting money take control of my life and letting it be the sole reason why I am pissed off with people...and things. I felt that I ought to do some form of self reflection sometimes to keep myself in check because I definitely do not want to let materialism change my life and my soul.

Anyway, because I do not want to waste time typing another blog, I shall talk about something entirely unrelated to my previous topic now. So here goes...
A few days ago on Sunday, I was going on board the train towards Clarke quay. As I entered the train, I saw this little boy with his dad. The boy was badly disfigured, with no ears and flaky red, raw skin and droppy bloodshot eyes (I'm guessing that this boy had been badly burnt beforehand). As I am a person that strongly believe in not staring at people in such circumstances, I just sat a few seats away without giving any further looks. I do not believe in staring because I never want to let them feel that I am sympatizing them because I think sympathy is the last thing they need. What they need is understanding and empathy, not sympathy and "oh my god, i'm so sorry for you" look. However, I am sad to say that not many people share my view bacause a few kpo aunties and men were giving looks, sympathy apparent in their eyes. However what touched me the most was that the father and his little boy seems unaffected by all the stares thrown their way and the father even took out some new toys he bought his boy and showed it to him, talking to him gently and smiling (I was only 3 seats away so I heard him talking to his boy about the new toys). I wished immediately for those people to stop staring. In my head, a scene involving me standing up and shouting at those kpos to stop staring was playing but my rationality got the better of me so the actual act did not materialise. I just hope for people to be more considerate for the feelings of other people. Consideration is what I feel is lacking in many people in our country. Small things, stare. Big things, stare. Stare, stare and stare. It seems that besides becoming a society of materialism, we are also becoming a society of starers. Pity.

r
Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894), "The Poet at the Breakfast-Table", 1872

In the dictionary known as my life, I hardly ever see a page of optimism. If I could sum my life up in 1 word, it would be "dissatisfaction". I'm a very difficult friend to have. Anyone could ask my best friend how it feels to be my best friend. She would tell you that I complain incessantly. Anyone could ask my mum how it feels like to be my mum. She would tell you that besides being a spendthrift, I complain incessantly. Anyone could ask my sister how it feels like to be my sister. She would tell you that besides being an untidy person, I am also a spendthrift and I complain incessantly. There, you get my drift, complaining incessantly is my favourite activity in the world.

My first semester in NTU had ended finally, albeit uneventfully. I sat for the exams with a lot of dread and the feeling that I would not be able to even get an A for anything (poly days are so far away)...sigh... To top it off, I lost the inspiration to write a blog on the issue of racism and women...which I told myself that I would write once the exams were over. I was previously inspired by the soci elect lecture I was attending that I decided the next blog I write better be related to that issue. I was hoping to draw ideas from there, but then after the exams, which killed 3/4 of my brain cells, I am left with cranial damage and possible premature Alzheimer's disease. So I am now high and dry with nothing remotely smart to write about. So what do I do? I do what I know best. I complain. Complain. And Complain.

Today was a perfect day for me to complain. In the morning, mum accompanied me to my hall to get my stuff back home. We had to take a cab cos Mitch's bf was unable to drive me there due to some unforseen circumstances, & Mav had just called it quits with her bf (again). So 2 sources of transport are cut off. So all the way I complained about how much I wanted a car, get my freaking driving license soon, blah blah blah...(bloody comfort driving centre made me wait 3 months for my advanced theory...F%^&). I think mum's ear almost bled from my buzzing, but in the end she agreed that upon obtaining my license, she would calculate our finances and maybe get me a car. I asked for a kangoo though, it is cheaper and it runs on diesel instead of petrol, so it would save me a lot of money. But it requires registration of a company because you can't just purchase kangoos any-o-how. Then again, no problem there because mum could register her chinatown antique shop's name for me. :) I saw one of those kangoos on campus before, the person designed the back with carpets and soft cushions and stuff. V. nice. I am already dreaming about owning a pink kangoo (very the Bimbz, but I like.).


Cutie!!!

Upon reaching home and unpacking my stuff, I realised that I've accumulated lots of notes and my bookshelf can hardly sustain them. I can't throw them because I might need them. So what did I do? I complain & cursed the lecturers for giving us so much notes and setting a lame 2.5 hrs paper with hardly anything related to the notes they made us read. After that, I set off to town to shop with mum. Soon, I was on the complain mode again. Complaining that I wanted a boob reduction+firming job because for the 1001 time, the 1001th nice blouse that I set my eyes on is ok in every area except the boob area. That is despite having lost 7kgs. I am pissed as hell. I hate being fat and having ugly boobs and ugly evrything else. Damnit. Now I have to add an additional surgery to the previous rhinoplasty and double eyelid job. But I am broke as hell. However, I am confident that before i graduate, I would at least have the double eyelid job done. I would make sure about that, somehow. Perhaps the only highlight of the day was Olio Dome. The mango salad and club sandwich was divine.

So just as I thought that the day would end finally without complaints, I realised that the kose black mask had been sitting on my face for 1hr 15 mins already. It is getting too tight and some of it had gotten stuck onto my hair. I am going to have a painful time later. Argh...the perils of being a vainpot! :(