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The most terrible thing about materialism, even more terrible than its proneness to violence, is its boredom, from which sex, alcohol, drugs, all devices for putting out the accusing light of reason and suppressing the unrealizable aspirations of love, offer a prospect of deliverance. -Malcolm Muggeridge

I was randomly flipping channels yesterday when I chanced upon a TVB drama (in case you don't know, TVB is a HK TV station). Being bored as hell, I decided to just watch it. Turns out it was set in this "ku dai" (oldern times, I think if i'm not wrong, it's the qing dynasty) era, and it was about this man who wanted to find the meaning of true love. Somehow in his quest he met this poor kerosene oil seller who fell in love with a head courtesan and it turns out that their love for each other was mutual. However, during that era, head courtesans were only supposed to be redeemed by wealthy men. So the poor oil seller was ejected from the selection process by the snoobish weathy men. The courtesan's selection criteria was for the man who could present her with the most beautiful lantern/lights because she had in mind the kerosene oil seller. The oil seller sadly left but then an idea struck him. To cut the long story short, the wealthy men each presented their lanterns made by renowed artists they hired, but the oil seller truimped because he lit the whole street with the broken pieces of oil barrel he had smashed earlier and the result was a beautiful sight. At last, he won the heart of the head courtesan. Then today I watched "homerun", and I was again intrigued. Brothers and sisters of the past do things for each other unconditionally, and lovers love unconditionally, with no strings attached. Life was so much simpler in the past! People do not worry that much about having no money. They pop babies without thinking if they have enough to support their children! Just as I pondered over all these, something just struck me...

Flashback to yesterday night... Mavis was showing me the Lancome "Hypnose" perfume that she was giving out to one of her colleagues for Christmas. I immediately asked her to give it to me instead, saying "hey, got good things don't know how to give own sister is it?" After a moment of silence, she added that she did not have enough gifts to give out to her colleagues this Christmas so it was just too bad for me. I was very pissed for some reason. Then I remembered being pissed at her for reducing my birthday present budget from $200 to $150 and then to a $115 biotherm set. Although I finally received my present, I wasn't thankful at all because I felt that I was shortchanged. Since when did money and materialism come into the way of sibling love and other forms of love and relationships? In the oldern times, life was much simpler, just watching films one would realise that people of the past could mostly lead a simple and happy life. They can sacrifice for each other without asking anything in return, but we can't do the same nowadays. We most often can't do things unconditionally for others anymore. Not even for the love of our lives or even for our parents who so painstakenly brought us up. In modern societies like the one we live in today, everything has a price tag attached to it. Level of materialism goes up and foundations of relationships and love that we tried so hard to build previously can be broken when money matters come into play. We had become a society of expectant people, we are always expecting things, and never that generous in giving. Not only in terms of money, but also in feelings and many other things. We tread carefully, we invest wisely, and ultimately, we hope to gain the most benefit. We always want something back, somehow. How many people these days can claim that they give without asking for anything in return? In relationships, we practice the same caution, we have a set of criteria for our potential partners. I am fairly sure that besides love, we also expect bread and water... and in our society these days? It's love + bread + water + security (financial or otherwise) + car + CASH (lots of it) ++++... thank you very much.

Sometimes thinking of things like these make me question myself, because I do not want to become such a person. Don't get me wrong, I think money is still a very important tool to get a lot of things done. It's just that growing up, I always aimed to be this unaffected individual, a free spirit, unchanged and unmarred by my surroundings. (even though I had my fair shares of misunderstandings with people, teenage angst and things I did that I wasn't exactly proud of) When I was younger, I always told myself that I hope to preserve some innocent and carefree quality, I wished to never become overly materialistic and self-centred. But more than lately, it seems that I am falling short of this goal. Yesterday was a typical example and a wake up call to myself as to what kind of person I am turning into. Am I turning into a materialistic person? A material girl? That I will get angry just because my sister refused to give me that perfume? That I am ungrateful despite the eventual reception of my birthday present? I realised that I don't only portray such behavior towards my sister, but also sometimes towards my mum and my friends. I also kept telling my mum that I want to be so damn bloody rich so I can do many many things. I don't find a problem with me or anyone wanting to be damn bloody rich, but I do find a problem with my own attitude and how I am letting materialism change me. That I am letting money take control of my life and letting it be the sole reason why I am pissed off with people...and things. I felt that I ought to do some form of self reflection sometimes to keep myself in check because I definitely do not want to let materialism change my life and my soul.

Anyway, because I do not want to waste time typing another blog, I shall talk about something entirely unrelated to my previous topic now. So here goes...
A few days ago on Sunday, I was going on board the train towards Clarke quay. As I entered the train, I saw this little boy with his dad. The boy was badly disfigured, with no ears and flaky red, raw skin and droppy bloodshot eyes (I'm guessing that this boy had been badly burnt beforehand). As I am a person that strongly believe in not staring at people in such circumstances, I just sat a few seats away without giving any further looks. I do not believe in staring because I never want to let them feel that I am sympatizing them because I think sympathy is the last thing they need. What they need is understanding and empathy, not sympathy and "oh my god, i'm so sorry for you" look. However, I am sad to say that not many people share my view bacause a few kpo aunties and men were giving looks, sympathy apparent in their eyes. However what touched me the most was that the father and his little boy seems unaffected by all the stares thrown their way and the father even took out some new toys he bought his boy and showed it to him, talking to him gently and smiling (I was only 3 seats away so I heard him talking to his boy about the new toys). I wished immediately for those people to stop staring. In my head, a scene involving me standing up and shouting at those kpos to stop staring was playing but my rationality got the better of me so the actual act did not materialise. I just hope for people to be more considerate for the feelings of other people. Consideration is what I feel is lacking in many people in our country. Small things, stare. Big things, stare. Stare, stare and stare. It seems that besides becoming a society of materialism, we are also becoming a society of starers. Pity.