"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." - Bo Derek

Today, my bank account told me I had exactly $124.91 left, & FYI, this is my only bank account. I ought to be worried, but I have seen worse days (-_-") Many years ago, there used to be a 4-figured sum sitting comfortably inside until a spur of vanity had me walking through the doors of Andrew Tan's clinic to get blepharoplasty. Then, I worked to raise a sum of money for a Thailand trip, & subsequently wiped the rest out while backpacking in Europe (& I still owe my mum $, help!). Also, my one and only source of income is unpredictable, so when can money start pouring in?

People say money is the root of all evil and money can't, in essence, buy happiness. But I beg to differ. Call me materialistic, but as far as I remember, money had made me a very happy person indeed. I forgot the countless times I had heated debates with friends regarding this issue. Some of my friends who was into the romanticism notion told me that money can't buy love...so I argued that money = shopping = material love = love; money = popularity = attention = admiration = love; money = presents for your loved ones = appreciation from your loved ones = love; money = friends = friendship = love...& so on. Then they said, Yeah, but it can't buy you TRUE love. But, what might be your definition of true love may not be mine, nor another person's.

To me, there is nothing that can't be bought by money except time (sad!). However, if you were to ask me this question 10 years ago, that answer would include both time and love. In Mel's dictionary.com, lovey dovey love does not exist in this world, & is forever even worth mentioning? Call me a cynic, but in this day and age, money talks, and "no money, no talk". To emphasize more:

1) Money could buy you holidays. Wanderlust? No problem, book yourself a ticket with Mastercard. Feeling adventurous? No problem, buy yourself 6 months off work to travel around Europe, States, Asia etc. Jaded?No problem, a weekend spa trip to rejuvenate yourself. Holiday with a loved one? Money can buy you both a trip. For myself, money could buy me 4 months off for a road trip in a caravan around the States. Woo Hoo! (reality check please, Miss Leong.)

2) Money could buy you friends. Birthdays? Money allows you buy a perfect present your friend would love. Financial woes? Money could help you aid a friend in need. Gatherings? Money enables you guys to engage in fun activities. Broke? You don't even feel like going out, so tell me, how do you build friendships?

3) Money could buy you attention and fame. Just look at Paris Hilton.

4) Money could buy you materialism. The new Iphone? Check. MacBook Air? Check. Diamonds? Check. Fancy cars? Check. Mansion with 20 rooms, a bowling alley and an ice-cream fountain? Check check check.

5) Money could buy you beauty which later translates into confidence. Just look at the Koreans with their plastic surgery, & a certain blogger whose name starts with the D.

6) Finally, money could buy you love. With money, you look more attractive than you really are. That is why there are unions like Mariah & Nick, Madonna & Jesus, Tiger & Elin + his countless women, Michael & Catherine, Trump &Melania...and the list goes on. Though love that is bought are often deemed as superficial, there's a glimmer of chance where the love can turn genuine, as the fundamental need for security (a roof over your head, money to sustain yourself) is already being met and you can have so much more. + Don't forget, love can grow. However, if you continually have financial woes, love will most certainly be lost.

So, money cannot buy you happiness? For crying out loud!

Thus, my stand is that money can buy you almost anything including happiness... Materialistic much? You can say so but I need money to survive & money to dream my big dreams...& until something or someone convincing wins me over, my one true love is still $.

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
Just trying to make his way home
Back up to Heaven all alone
Nobody callin' on the phone
cept for the Pope maybe in Rome - From the song " One of us" by Joan Osborne

*Disclaimer* This entry by no means relate to anything more than mere personal musing. It is not an attempt to sway people into believing what I believe & I'm not trying to preachy-preach (God forbid, the world will end if I ever become a pastor)


Watching American Idol is my yearly indulgence, cept' for 2009 which I missed the entire season (I was in Sweden surviving without television programs for 6 months... plus, Adam Lambert and Kris Allen suck balls). This year, the idol fever had swept Channel 5 again & I couldn't be more excited. One of the auditions from Atlanta caught my attention and it was not the singing (though Jermaine sang pretty damn well) but rather, the song. Listening to this song had on some occassions, made me choke up with emotions and my eyes will start brimming with tears...it's dumb I know.





Upon listening to Jermaine, I attempted to get to the bottom of why this song had such an impact on me (Trust me, I'm not a crybaby & it takes monumental effort for me to cry for anything/one).

A trip down the memory lane brought me to the age of 10, when I decided I'll like to be a Christian, even though I grew up getting abused by my aunt who was (& still is) a pious Christian. Besides, my sister, whom is not exactly a role model, is one herself. So you might ask, why am I Christian?

Once upon a time, I was a faithful church-going person, but somewhere along the way, I stopped going to church (not gonna state the excuses, it's not the focus). Then, I recalled that at 19, I got my 1st tattoo and when my sister found out, she chastised me, quoting the bible and saying how tattooing oneself is a sin against God. I was guilty for a while, but I figured that liking & having them doesn't make you more sinful than say, a person who doesn't have them & yet commits adultery (or the likes of it). Finally, I came to a conclusion as to why I choose to be a Christian. It's because: God answers MY prayers (most of the time anyway). I emphasize "my" because it only refers to my individual experience and I don't wanna infer the same for everyone.

They say people only pray in times of need and this applies similarly in my case. When I was 18, my world almost crashed around me. It was the year where I did badly for exams, & the roof over my head will soon be taken away yet again. At that point I had stopped going to church for nearly 2 years. Completely lost, I... guess what? Yes, I prayed. Fervently and sincerely, for a sense of direction. The path was not clear but I took it and the decision which led to that path will come to a full circle in less than half a year's time. It took me 3 years longer than my counterparts, but I believe that if not for that fateful prayer, I would still be stuck in a rut longer than I would have expected. Within the next 2 years, we relocated to our "own" place (rented, yes, but having my own cupboard & bed still rocks over 4 adults squeezing in a 27 by 27 feet space) .

At 22, news of our estranged dad getting paralysed from an industrial accident hit us and life was again thrown into whammy. Imagine having to fork out money and time to care for someone who had not cared nor bothered to give you a roof over your head? (Idiot took the house for himself so don't judge me for my use of language here)... I was naturally furious but yet, tremendously miserable and affected. This time round, I prayed hard again and though the situation wasn't completely solved, we managed to claim enough insurance to cover his hospice fees for 5 years. At the very least, we could enjoy 5 years of peace and then... fret later.

Then at 24, I prayed for some $ to fall from the sky so I could go for exchange. Didn't manage the States (my initial choice & a chance to fulfil one of my wanderlust goals: road trip in the States). But, money nearly literally fell from the sky (a simple "trick" of a 500-word motivation essay...thank God again for my penmanship and conviction) as God answered my other prayer, allowing me a chance to backpack in Europe. If I'd not seen that email, I would never made it there before 30. Hopefully a caravan will drop from the sky next so I could drive it around States. I kid (God forgive me for my avarice).

On Jan 14th 2009, I landed in Sweden and realised that my application for residency was not approved. I was "homeless" and scared out of my wits for 2 weeks. I called the housing office everyday to no avail (the lazy *wedes only work from 1pm-3pm 4 freaking days a week; how the hell am I supposed to get my request through??!!). At that point of desperation, I remembered visiting Lund cathedral, donating 10kronas and saying a prayer. Guess what? A miracle happened...2 days later, 1 of them stopped being lazy and called to inform me that there was a room available at my 1st choice location (near all my dear thai friends) with a rent $250 cheaper than the expected rate. It not only had an attached bathroom, but also free internet (left by the previous tenant) and some of the coolest, awesome-est people I have ever known. Again, God answered my prayers. & To thank the one above (although I suspect he is shaking his head in disapproval up in heaven), I did 2 inks during my time there. A crucifix thigh piece (picture can be found under March 2009 archive) and a mirror image of the word "Thankful" on my inner wrist; in part to remind me to always be appreciative of whatever I was blessed with.

Most recently, I prayed that FYP will run smooth...& so far, things are looking up. I find myself feeling exceedingly blessed again. I believe in years to come, my conversations with God will ensue and though not all my prayers will be answered, I'm thankful for this religion; for it has kept me sane and safe all these years.

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost.
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost.
What if I lost my direction? What if I lost sense of time?
What if I nursed this infection? Maybe the worst is behind. - Barenaked Ladies, "Falling for the First Time"

Throughout my decades (ok, I exaggerated a lil') of pursuing my PhD in Couch-Potatology, I have studied modules such as Smallville, Heroes, Pushing Daisies, CSI, Prison Break, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Nip Tuck, The Mentalist...(& the list continues). Mostly, I have not had the patience to finish my dissection on them before bidding my farewells and jumping ship to other more thought-provoking series. Thus, some of my friends wondered how I could remain loyal to a TV series such as Desperate Housewives for so many years (I know lots of dudes absolutely hate that series, what's the fun in watching a few conniving women in their 40s bitch-slapping others?). However, DH had kept me glued and 6 seasons on, I'm still faithfully downloading (opps) the series in HD on my laptop and lapping the drama that unfolds from each episode with zest.

My stubborn refusal to give up on the series finally paid off, as I was enlightened by the most recent episode titled "If...". In that episode, Susan, Bree, Gabrielle and Lynette pondered about the "what-ifs" in their lives and how their fates would have altered if they had steered in a different course. As I watched on, I find myself drifting onto the very same sentiment. What if I had taken another route in my life? How stupendous or stolid will it be? And what are the possible repercussions?... ... ... ... ... ...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 4 years old:
a) Mum choose to leave Dad, bringing 3 of us up by herself without a roof over our heads. We learnt things in a hard way staying with our grandparents in a dingy 3-room flat with 6 more people, enduring years of abuse and hardship. All these years, Mum worked herself 7 days a week, from a bank executive to a co-owner of an antique shop, saving whatever she had and enduring our living conditions to put us through education. We moved out 4 years ago (my sisters had graduated and started working), and it was then that I finally got to sleep on a bed. I was 21 then, but it was great to lay on something thicker than 3 inches.

b) Mum choose not to leave Dad, enduring his male chauvinism and selfishness. Dad refuse to let mum work, and did not believe in the importance of educating daughters. We endured jeering from his crappy relatives and his income was insufficient to sustain us. My sisters and I came out to work without a university education, and we survived on however much we made. We all married early, just like our cousins from dad's side of the family.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 14 years old:
a) A friend offered me a cigarette. Remembering how I was deliberately burnt by a cigarette butt when I was younger, I rejected it outright. Today at 25, I'm having great nails and teeth (I just removed my braces...nice smile!), and my skin is far from sallow.

b) A friend offered me a cigarette. "Just a puff won't kill.". I took it grudgingly though I hated the smell of smoke. I wanted to be cool and accepted. 1 stick became 2, then a pack. I became a chain smoker and my nails and teeth became yellow. My skin was also sallow and by the age of 25, I was diagnosed with TB.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 16 years old:
a) 13 points for my "O" levels. I applied for JC instead of the intended polytechnic. I was never a fan of uniforms, rules and regulations. Regretted the moment I stepped into the school with a uniform colour which resembled poo in the toilet bowl.

b) 13 points for my "O" levels. Good enough for JC, but I stuck to my guns and went ahead for mass comms in Poly. Enjoyed my course throughly, though I did not manage to get into university from there.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 18 years old:
a) JC wasn't a bed of roses and my grades leaves much to be desired. Lost, I applied for Biotechnology in Singapore Poly. Had a smooth-sailing 3 years and my grades were good enough for university. It took a hard fall, but I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

b) JC wasn't a bed of roses and my grades leaves much to be desired. Applied for hairstylist course. Discovered that I might not have possessed the talent for hair-styling and hated not having my weekends off. Long hours of standing and contact with chemicals also gave me fatigue and dry skin. However, small victories came from the smiles endowed by my customers for jobs well done.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 22 years old:
a) Was sick of my weight and esteem issues. Decided to exercise to lose weight (though I hated to run). Didn't like my fierce-looking slitty eyes and my gappy teeth so I got double-eyelids and braces done. My savings were wiped out but I gained so much more confidence. 2 years on, I'm still working on, and enjoying exercise. I have walked out of the shadow of doubt casted by him. Currently having a ball of my time trying to accomplish things I want out of MY life.

b) Was sick of my weight and esteem issues. Continued to wallow in self-pity and doubt. Was lazy and didn't motivate myself to exercise. I blamed the world and binged on food, feeling unattractive and never walking out of the shadow of doubt. Continued to tip the scales at 80kgs (or more).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 23 years old:
a) Applied for Instep exchange program. Mum reminded me that I might not be able to go due to insufficient funds. Saw an email in my school's webmail for a 4000 Euro scholarship award by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and submitted an essay. Didn't think much after the submission and received a call one month later about the success of application. Packed my bags for Sweden on 14th Jan 09 and subsequently had the best 6 months of my life in Lund and backpacking around Europe.

b) Applied for Instep exchange program. Mum reminded me that I might not be able to go due to insufficient funds. Overlooked the webmail from Ministry of Foreign Affairs. The application to New York was successful, but my financial state of affairs was not promising. I gave up on the exchange and spent the semester in school. My plans to backpack in Europe before I hit 30 was put on hold yet again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ 25 years old:
???) Anticipating graduation. The world is an oyster! Waiting for paths a, b, c, d, e, f, g... ... ... ... to unravel!!!



Sliding Doors...meaningful movie I watched aeons ago that drives home my point


Funny isn't it, that life presents to you not just one path but several directions? Why should one need to make choices? What if you preferred a path more clear-cut and less fraught by confusion? I can't tell you why as I always question the One above on why some things do or do not turn out the way I desire them to. But I guess it is all part and parcel of life, and God's way of making the mundane life of us, Homo sapiens, a tad more fascinating. With choices, we hold in our hands the power to change our destinies and in some instances, the ability to make or break things. Looking back, I am thankful for having the power to choose from several paths, I learnt from countless mistakes and celebrated countless victories. I had experienced the elements of sour, sweet, bitter and spicy due to the presence of the "what-ifs" and my life is all the better because of it. :)