"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I'm thoroughly amazed by the mentality of some women...ok, most women actually, about the way they validate their attractiveness through the lens of other people. Don't get me wrong, I am sometimes mighty insecure about the way I look, which is why I got blepharoplasty in the first place. However, I feel that the motivation behind why you should change yourself is because how you perceive yourself matter more than other's opinions of you. In simpler terms: You should only do things to please yourself first, & not to please someone else.

Yesterday, I received a text from a friend whose friend was getting married soon, & wanted to look prettier for her wedding through blepharoplasty. As I was someone who had undergone the akin & emerged alive (ok...I'm exaggerating the dangers of such a minor procedure...), my friend thought that she could hook me up with her friend so that she need not be a middleman (that was after her friend asked for my clinic, the amount I paid and the downtime which in essence, was all she needed to know). Thus her friend dropped me 3 consective texts which goes like this:

Text 1: Introduction (not spelt out so as names remain confidential)

Text 2: Can I ask a favor from you to take a close-up pic of your eyes? Also, what are the considerations and research you made that led you to doing it? (Grammatical errors corrected)

Text 3: Some of my friends did it & it looked gross (wokay...so I now have to entertain your "interview" & prove to you that my eyes are not gross?! [sic!])


Lest to say, her requests garnered NO REPLY.

I am usually open & friendly with questions pertaining to my experiences, god forbid, I'm no mean bitch. However, I'm irritated with people who:

1) want to attempt something so bad at the back of their minds & yet lack the guts (or are lazy to do research by themselves), so they comfort themselves by saying that they saw others who suffered undesirable effects doing the same

2) want to undergo surgery or lose weight only before a wedding

3) want to look good for others (well for women especially, for their partners).


To me, Point 1 highlights someone who is weak-minded. If you are determined to do something, you will do your own research (because you are your best assurance), make an informed decision, stop dragging your feet and do it. Yes, you need time to consider, but the time frame you take should not be aeonsssss. For me, I considered blepharoplasty after a few years of unsuccessfully using enancer tapes, but it only took me 2 weeks of research and less than 1 month in total (inclusive of research) to get my procedure down pat. Besides, if you were to be responsible for your own actions, there will not be fingers pointed when things go wrong.

Point 2 indicates to me that this person only values herself as much as one major event. Does it mean that you pursue beauty and fitness only to nab an objective then subsequently let yourself go? The pursuit of fitness and self-maintenance MUST be an ongoing process. It is something you continue working on and not something you used to work for. Speaking of which, I've a friend whom I knew for 8 years who joined the same gym as me and I've only seen her working out months before her wedding. Weeks after her wedding, she had miraculously disappeared from the regular spin class we used to go to - true story. What the hell is wrong with these women?


Point 3 is actually pretty similar to 2. Wanting to look good should always stem largely from a place within yourself. Yes, I agree that to a certain extent, it is hard for other's opinion NOT to matter. However, you should always ask yourself "are you doing it at least 75% for yourself?". Trust me, I am not the most secure person in the world & everyone battles with self-esteem and insecurity. But, more than anything I've realised that living on the constant need for approval from others is a very tiring process, and you can never feel complete even if you are the most flawless person that ever graced the face of this Earth. The saddest thing for many is that they are not even conscious of this fact, & much worse, they thrive on the approval of others.


All in all, the conclusion of this story is that no one is perfect & everyone wants to look and feel the best...but... ALWAYS let your inner voice have more impact than others. It is only by constantly reminding yourself of that, that you can be the Captain of your own ship and navigate it through any storm.

"A poet's autobiography is his poetry. Anything else is just a footnote" - Yevgeny Yevtushenko

After a particularly enjoyable & memorable week, it is time to reorganize and focus again. This morning was a little bit of a mess; with me being a scatterbrain again, leaving my work laptop at home when I've already placed it beside my work-bag on the way out. However, I'm glad all was resolved (thanks to a particularly patient taxi-driver).

Anyway, fast-forward to 2 hours later (which is now): I've completed Part I of a difficult report due end of this month and then received a call from my chairman informing that my 2 other colleagues and I would be complained about by a member of public for our apparent "rude" customer service. Which leads me to wonder "how does working for community events include sweeping up the loose leaves outside your corridor?!". In my earlier conversation with this "gentle"man, I've related to him firmly that we had contacted the relevant Environmental Agency to look into the matter and he needs to be patient with their answer. My assertive tone was deliberately misinterpreted by the raving lunatic as unacceptable. Well, my answer to that: Suit yourself Mister, complain your bald head off, I won't let 1 bugger get me down :)

Then again, feeling the stress from my report deadline, I started on a mandarin orange (though I still have a little sore throat & cough) and surfing a little bit online. Don't know what inspired me to have this urge to look for my old profile on a poetry website called darkpoetry.com (Had and "emo" phrase in my life circa 2004-05 and started writing some dark poems, using it as an outlet to vent my angst). It wasn't an uphill task to look for my personal page...& lest to say, some of my old poems tickled me a fair bit (was I that angsty or did I have too much free time on my hands?!).
Thought it would be interesting to post the link anyway: http://www.darkpoetry.com/node/user/5672

Kinda refreshing to read some of my old works, and though they are not light-hearted reading at all, it made me reminisce on the old me and puts a smile on my face.

I am indeed glad that the me now has evolved into someone that is not emo or angsty: I'mma loving myself more and more! ...Thank God! :p (Phew!)