"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" - Unknown

It had all became a bit soliloquy, this random musing about my uneventful life, & I should be sleeping, but yet, I'm fighting the drooping eyelids & blogging. Just a few days back, I was struggling with the thought of shutting this site down forever, but I figured that if I had to make an exit, my swan song would be one of epic proportions. Today is just not the day, Melissa Leong still have much to say...(Yo yo, yeah yeah yeah...rap rap...lame, zip, FULL STOP.)

Yesterday, I sat awake at 2 in the morning with my thesis on hand, a desperate attempt to prepare for my poster defense today. My bed was poised to a comfortable 45 degree angle (an awesome bed with a remote at the side to adjust the angle of incline, just like those you see in hospitals...little wonder why I spend so much time on it) & god forbid, I even had a highlighter tucked behind my ear. However, I just could not concentrate. After a fair amount of teeth-grinding and leg-shaking, I finally picked up the copy of 8 days magazine sitting conspicuously on my bedside table & started reading about Diana Ser, opting for an impromptu performance the next morning & keeping my fingers crossed while at that.

Flash forward to approximately 12 hours later... I had countered 2 of my examiners and repeated myself so much, I wouldn't doubt the ability to regurgitate information from my poster backwards (word vomit). I had sussed out the popular destinations my peers were heading to for their grad trip (top destinations: Korea & Taiwan) & what they were wearing as their headgears for the D&D on Thurs (I was too broke to go but volunteered my services as photographer, part-time). Any anxiety present during the morning session had ceased, & the precious 11-photo capacity from my lousy makeshift digital camera had been filled. The 3-inch killer stilettos that were torturing me were replaced with flats (phew...what a relief) & I was possibly radiating with anticipation, for this whole thing to end. I'm not exactly sure how I really felt about all of these, but as my lab-mate+faithful lunch+jogging partner sums it, we are in a "not here, not there" position...stuck between not being able to contribute to society (we have not landed ourselves jobs, we didn't make an effort to look anyway), & not being able to go back to being a student (for now, unless I decide to file for a phD...which is a plausible option but in my idea, madness personified...).




Done for the 4 years, ready for the elaborate squarehat-throwing affair in July :D

My best friend labeled my current dilemma as a refusal to enter "real" life--> "a quarter century had passed, time to step out to this cruel society to be a corporate dog per se." But, what is "real" life anyway? I know that my definition is not concrete now, & that different individuals have varying takes on how their "real" lives should map out. But, it still scares me a little (or more than I care to admit) to be in that "not here, not there" status.

Blah!!!...I can't think of that now (cue frowning emoticon)...Before I get totally mind-blown, let me come back from my Turkey trip 1st ;p