All the best stories are but one story in reality - the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape. - A. C. Benson

"Why are you always wanting to run everywhere? Why do you always end up taking off Alone?". It is totally unrelated yet these words ring so true, it almost seemed to be personal. I always read too much into things...another flaw of mine. & yes, I usually end up taking off alone.

Sometimes I wonder when I will eventually stand still.

The inner escapist speaks in louder volumes than I can drown out.

Long after everything, I've realized at many points that it's a self-served loneliness which I inevitably can't stand, yet life's events seem to steer me on this path; for now. It's more of I don't mind it, yet I don't really enjoy it. Indeed, certain things need the extra "oomph" for that element of completeness or satisfaction.

Ranting makes me feel all melodramatic again, like feeling all riled up & hanging up on people could prove them wrong or justify my attitude. It's days like this which hit a raw nerve : those words echo volumes but resounding truths are always hard to hear. I feel like I'm constantly wielding an invisible double-edged sword, sometimes such actions generate much needed peace, but the very same actions also make me feel awfully alone. I guess you can call that peaceful loneliness, which is an irony; a laughable contradiction. I remember times where solitude connects my mind and soul: Sitting under the turning London Eye watching plump white babies run amok while having an ice-cream cone; Lying on the grass patch of Lund university during summer with Audrey enjoying the warmth of the sun on our faces (a rare time which I threw caution in the wind, that caution being my extreme fear of pigmentation thanks to the Sun), these times were the times solitude gave me the peace I much appreciate.
However there are times which solitude bites me in the ass: Being mugged by a guy on Paris's streets and having no one to turn to for help, when I had sprained my leg on the bus and had no one to call for help & when shopping bags get too heavy.

My sister and a close friend classify this behavior as being the "escapist theory", feeling that I apply the technique of "running away" in almost all aspects of my life when I don't feel right or ready to face reality. Which is why I love sleep so much, like reading, want to travel for long periods or live somewhere else for a long while sometime in future. However, subscribing to the 3rd or 4th thought would be impossible for now, life practically have to start from zero ever since I bombed what little of my fortune backpacking last year. So this year might see me actually descending down to Earth, before that I was that kite in the air, dangling up & down at the mercy of my owners: Idealism & Impracticality. Can't say I'm totally unhappy about what is about to come, it grants me with autonomy and a power to defend my views. Independence & freedom had always been one of my most treasured attributes anyway.

Yes, sometimes it sucks to hear what closely resembles the truth; but I hope to never see the day I feel apologetic for the way I am.