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"A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion." - John Welwood

These days I feel absolutely fatigued, exasperated and at the same time relieved (does any of these make any sense?) Fatigued because I've not been sleeping enough, averaging about 5 hours a day on weekdays, which is way too little for me. Exasperated because the holidays are coming to an end in less than a week's time and I'm still reeling from the shock that 3 months feels more like 3 weeks. Yet relieved because I realised finally that I prefer studying more than working. This comes as a revelation because I've boasted for many years that I would prefer working. But as it dawned on me that I would be graduating in 2 years time, this idea became cease to become appealing to me somehow.

I didn't fulfil my goal of reading 15 books this time round like I always promised myself every holiday, but I'm still glad that many things came to a proper close. First being the issues I had with my second sister. & it's all a little weird because although we share a room and we talk very often, the misunderstanding was cleared through an exchange of emails. Now thinking about it, it may not be so weird after all, because we are rather emotional people and trashing things out face-to-face would prove to be the most disadvantageous. Moreover, I think I express myself better through writing, it being my forte. Mavis gave a detailed explanation about her recent nonplus behavior (the late night rendezvous with mysterious new boyfriend, the catch-me-if-you-can behaviour and the now-you-see-me-now-you-don't tricks) which had gotten the family rather worried. I would wake up in the middle of the night finding my sister missing from her bed or hearing her sneak out late into the night which I found to be a rather irresponsible and adolescent way a 27 year old should conduct herself (But who am I to judge? I often wonder). I wouldn't go into details about how this matter was resolved but the best thing is that now we had resumed confiding in each other and I'm the keeper of stuff she doesn't want mum or mitch to know.

Second being that I finally completed my job assignment! I can't imagine that I could feel so tired-out by a holiday job and I'm really looking forward to school (in a week's time, yeah!). Though I can't describe this job experience as fun or enjoyable, I'm glad I met some great/nice (cliche but I can't find other words to best describe them) people. I sure hope I can remain in contact with them.
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Yesterday I met ya-ya for a chat and I was lamenting to her about the state of human relations, telling her about the golden days of writing snail-mail to friends, talking for hours on the phone with people etc and I don't know why this sudden poignant feeling struck me. I remembered the sad feeling I had the day Sujee asked me to switch from writing/mailing her letters to emailing her. Ever since then, the contact lessened because everything just became so convenient with emails, msn, sms. No one bothers to call and talk anymore, & I really miss the feeling of that kinda contact...the handwriting of a person, the voice, it just seem more real to me. Poignant really, but I guess we must adapt and go with the flow of technology. We talked about the fragility of relationships as well, about how now people thrive on instant chemistry and no one bothers to take a little more time to get to know people anymore. & its really hard to find people you share a connection with. I start to wonder if I can find anyone whom I can share more than just several witty conversations, be unafraid to be myself, share the ugliest side of myself without the person backing away 1000 miles or judging me. For once I really hope my life plays out like a film, like Harry meets Sally, or Lakehouse etc...where people share more than instant chemistry and people long for each other in an unsuperficial manner. Where people bother to talk and know people instead of asking people to on their webcams when they haven't even met you in real person yet; or calling you "sweetie", "hot", "babe" etc based on some photo you post on Facebook which looks mighty fine to them (do not be quick to judge bacause who posts ugly photos of themselves online anyway??!!). Do people just get so swallow and gullible nowadays?! Doesn't anyone subscribe to the old-fashioned but yet decent getting-to-know-yous with courteous language and meaningful conversations, before jumping into "I find you hot" or "I'll pay you for a lapdance" (Trust me you wouldn't). Argh....!!!! the sad state of affairs. :(
Excuse my french but I'm really exasperated. I just joined a facebook application stupidly thinking that like the movies, I could find someone I can share a connection with. Some candidates were fine at first until I added them in msn that I realised that the witty conversations I was looking forward to had dissolved to superficial statements and requests for me to on my webcam or that "I find you blah blah blah...whatever". You haven't even seen or know me enough so don't go around patronizing me. Well, maybe I kinda deserve it cos I ought to be more selective and dream less of tailoring my life too closely with the movie plot of "lakehouse" or some other hollywood blockbusters cos this situation should be forseen and I should not thrive on drama or imagining that the castles in my air would eventually land on ground....*Shakes head* I don't know if I should feel disgusted or disgruntled at them! Is it that hard to find decent gentlemen nowadays??!!



Woah...it's really great to rant. :) So much for my topic on full circle. I drifted off too far and wide. Til the next time!