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Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. ~Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

I'm sometimes awed by the complexities of the human brain...like how we are able to think, feel, talk and react simultaneously. Accessing myself, I think that I basically think and feel more strongly compared to talking and reacting. The older I get, the less I talk & react unnecessarily (Unless I tell jokes or am listening to one). I tend to think a lot, from the most obvious thoughts to the smallest details, my mind fusses over them. In better terms, you could call that being meticulous and aware, the bad way I guess, is that I'm oversensitive... that to the point sometimes, it is not possible for my perception of someone or their anticipated reactions to be the reality. SY would often chide me..saying "You think too much man, macham will happen lidat". So I really would not suspect that if someone were to do an autopsy of my brain, they would see far too much rubbish inside.

Yesterday was one such day that would go down in my history as one of the days I felt and thought a vast array of emotions. I felt daring, nervous, relief, regret, happiness, thoughtfulness, touched, surprise, sadness, expectant, bloated, tickled and tired all in one day (What a mouthful!). In the morning, I was feeling daring as I prepared to pass a note to a guy I felt was cute, and then, nervousness washed over me as I tapped his shoulder. After I passed the note, I was expectant (for positive signs) After I executed my actions, I felt a tinge of regret (should have left @ least my msn contact...) as well as relief of finally being able to carry out something I've never done before. When no positive signs were shown, I felt a tad sad (perhaps it was too fast for anyone to react, that's what Bird told me if someone were to pass him a similar note). When I reached office, I was bright and cheery again upon giving out my thank you cards & receiving nice gifts and kind words. After lunch, I felt bloated & upon receiving the gifts from my department, I was surprised and touched. After work, I decided to go for my weekly swim of 30 laps at Shiya's place. Soon, I felt tired but still met up with sy & Bird and ended up being tickled and by some of the videos Bird showed me on youtube.

Before my head hit the pillow, the day's events ran through my mind. From the rush of estasy that flooded my head as I tapped his shoulder to the tiredness the relaxing swim had given me. All in all, I guess the strongest feeling revisited from the whole day was that of the morning's happenings... as Jonatan Mårtensson puts it: "Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf." And so I involuntarily choose this feeling about him to linger on my mind as I drifted off to sleep.




















P.S: Stupid stupid me...should not perceive life like the romantic comedies and left at least my msn contact... why do I have to care so much about remaining pride since I already decided to pass that note in the 1st place?...tsk tsk, when will I be able to see that cute guy again? (I think never ever again, since I already wrote in the note that it's my last day @ work) *sighs* Stupid me!