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Little Miss Grumpy Rattles On !!!
10:54 AM - Saturday, March 11, 2006
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd,Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. - William Congreve, The Mourning Bride, III:2
I'm seriously losing it. Nowadays i'm just getting easily irritated, quarrelsome and plain irrational. Since when did i suddenly transform into a sulking bitch? Was it because of those crazy hormones at play or am i just trying to act like a tyrant? Why do i keep making myself mad over almost everything?
Over the span of one week, i had effectively quarrelled with 3 people - My mum and 2 of my friends. My mum especially, was at the most disadvantageous position as she had to face me all the time under the same roof and thus, i had the chance to pick quarrels with her. To date, if i had counted correctly, i had quarrelled with her 5 times this past week. Ever since we jetted off to Bangkok for holiday last saturday until today, i have just been that crazy, unreasonable daughter who just can't stop shooting my mouth off when she does the slightest stuff that usually doesn't irritate me much. Take for example, today. I picked a quarrel with my mum over, of all things, bedroom slippers. I myself am not sure why suddenly a pair of innocent bedroom slippers would just get me shouting at my mum. It all started because i wanted that particular pair of bedroom slippers and she had given it to my sis's boyfriend to wear. She offered to give me another white pair but i simply refused and i insisted that i wanted the blue pair which i initially claimed ownership to...but she had forgotten that i said i wanted that pair of slippers. To sort of justify my anger towards this matter, i must add that my mum kinda made me even madder by insisting that i said i didn't want that pair of slippers!! I was like...hello, i said i wanted it, since when did you hear from "i want it" to "i don't want it"??!! So, for that, i raised my voice at her in front of my aunties and uncles (we were at my granny's place). Of cause, not being one who would take too much nonsense from her daughter, my mum argued back against me in an equally unruly fashion. When everything died down, I, for some reason, purposely just could not stop my mouth from opening and spewing more words of discontent. This sparked off a new series of arguements which i swore, if i didn't stop in time, i would feel a tight slap on my face.
Also, prior to that, we also quarrelled about the shopping stuffs which i bought in Thailand. Somehow, although i knew the quarrel had ended, i purposely added a few words after everything died down and as expected...voices were raised again... I just don't get myself. I know it isn't right to keep getting angry and not being able to just shut up and relax. I know that this would render more rage to both parties, worse of all, i knew i was seriously pissing my mum off and hurting her with my rebellious attitude...but i just can't seem to stop myself.
Perhaps the whole episode of my PMSiness (if there's such a word) really started when i came back from thailand on wednesday. I was supposed to meet a few of my friends to pass them the gifts i bought in Thailand. K was in charge of planning that outing so naturally when i got back, i contacted him. Instead of a normal reply (and i didn't even expect a polite one), i was greeted with an sms which had "attitude problem" written all over it. Apparently K was pissed at 2 of the gals which promised to go but failed to reply his sms. Then he said the outing was cancelled cos "some people simply do not show interest". So i told him, fine, i could get others...and he repiled "never mind...I no mood liao...you guys go ahead"...and i was like, hello, i bought something from thailand for you and you are here being a petty cow and telling me you have no mood??!! It's not even my fault that they do not reply ya sms! So, being patient, i offered an alternative of having dinner instead... and he claimed he's "tulan" and busy. Then, i surprised myself (because as you would have realised by now, i am not exactly a sweet-tempered person) by replying politely and asking him if he's going for the class BBQ (so i could pass the stuffs to him), and you know what? He just repiled with 3 words "nope, gotta work"..just that, that's it! I swore, my blood by that time, was at it's boiling best. To top it off, he keeps insisting he did not show an attitude problem. To illustrate what i mean by why he is in self-denial that he is indeed not having an attitude problem, let me type out the exact sms here. It said "If you think i give you attitude on that day, SO BE IT...i'm only tellin my displeasure at mf and sy...blah blah blah..." & he claims he does not have an attitude problem...How ironic. From this sms, i could see why he does have an attitude problem. Cause 1) the "so be it" had attitude spelled all over it. 2) a guy sweating over small stuffs like how 2 girls made you "tulan" by not replying your sms??? where had all the attributes a real man should have, such as being gentlemanly and chivalrous gone to??? and 3) using words like "tulan" and "no mood liao" hardly makes me think that you are not directing your frustrations on the wrong person. So isn't that called an attitude problem? 4) Insisting and not admitting that you did express an attitude problem is an attitude problem by itself.
Then, as i thought that nothing could get worse than this, i was cancelled at the last minute by my friend, D. We were supposed to meet up so i could pass him the dvds and some other stuffs. I also happened to want to watch a movie badly, so we agreed to watch it and also have lunch. After making arrangements (& i was so looking forward to the movie, which was my primary concern), i was cancelled at the last minute... At 1 a.m in the morning. Because his gf had decided to meet him earlier. About the gf part, i understand. But i was mad about getting cancelled at the last minute when i was looking forward to the movie!! My point is that if you had arranged before hand to meet someone, cancelling at 1a.m isn't going to make things pretty. Clearly, Mr D had lacked the responsibility. It is not the point as to whether it's meeting me because i am not a VIP, but it could be meeting anyone else...and that you had already planned. Don't tell me or anyone else for that matter that if you had already arranged and planned, you are going to cancel last minute cos "opps sorry my gal had suddenly wanted to meet me"...cos i would be like "hello, this sort of situation would usually happen a second, third or fourth time...don't tell me you are going to treat every friend you already planned to meet, like that if something along the same line happens?" *rolls eyes big time*. The point is being responsible. However, when i was pissed and scolding Mr D, he initially didn't seem to get my point at all...or maybe until now, he still did not get the point, but i have decided to rest my case anyways cos it's such a waste of saliva... Pardon me for making comparisons but i never had the same problem with Bird, my best guy pal, cos he will never, and i repeat, never cancel me at the last minute for just any reason, unless it is a valid one. So you see the difference there.
Thus, one can see why i am indeed in a grumpy mood nowadays. Nothing seems to be able to calm this period of frenzied mood i am experiencing. God must be thinking that i am such a horrible person cause i am purposely being defiant to my mum even when i know deep down that i shouldn't , and being crazy and unapologetic (this applies in my mum's case because I think my unhappiness regarding K and D was justifiable). So could anyone offer a remedy to cure the unaccpetable behavior of mine? It is just so unhealthy for me to continue being so easily aggitated.
Tsk tsk, I long for the day that the only emotion i could ever feel is happiness.
