"Our whole life is an attempt to discover when our spontaneity is whimsical, sentimental irresponsibility and when it is a valid expression of our deepest desires and values." - Helen Merell Lynd

A happily married (with a kid) friend of mine dropped me a mail recently asking me about how I was able to tour so many Eu countries of late. She was the very same friend whom upon re-establishing contact with me a few months ago (we were primary school mates who found each other through a FB group), asked me the question "So, are you married?" first before anything else. I'm not really sure why I've been thinking about these two questions lately, but it's becoming clearer to me that my answers to these questions start the with alphabet "C" and the term which I invented myself --> The "Semi-Spontaneous Theory" i.e., my topic sentence for today.

A life of spontaneity is something I crave for constantly. Never one who likes to be tied down by rules and routine, I always try my best to rebel against a normal way of life. In fact, I'm fairly sure by the age of 18 that I didn't want a mediocre life. Perhaps many might disagree vehemently with my definition, but, according to Mel's dictionary.com; "Normal" is: Studying hard for about 18 years of your life -> Graduating with a good degree -> getting a job - finding someone -> settling down -> having kids -> getting fat as the years go by (depending on situation) -> mid-life crisis (almost always) -> retirement -> watching your children getting married -> chasing after grandkids -> going senile/having an illness or two -> death. (rather morbid, I know...)

Funny yet true, the idea of the "Semi-Spontaneous Theory" did not occur to me so strongly until 1 year ago. Before that, I was a staunch believer of the institution of marriage and normality. I believed that I should have a peaceful life: graduate with a good degree, get some job that pays me well enough (but not necessarily give me the job satisfaction I require), find someone who gets me, get married (kids may not may not be part of the equation depending on finances) and Conform to a standard routinized life many are accustomed to. However, it's becoming Clearer that this does not suit me. I want to apply the Semi-Spontaneous Theory in my life.

My Semi-Spontaneous Theory is very simple. To break it down, it requires 3 elements: a whole lot of courage, 2 parts irrationality & 1 part irrationality.

1) A whole lot of Courage = stop Conforming. Who says life should be ordinary? Who says the only way you can be happy is by earning shitloads of $ (& being stucked in a Crappy job?)? Who says that only by getting married & reproducing can you consider yourself as coming to a full Circle in your life? Who says the fear of biological Clocks ticking is reason enough for you to produce Children without thinking if it is for the best (of the child, your happiness etc)? Who says that putting your own interest above another's is wrong and selfish? Who says that we should be bounded by rules and regulations in almost every aspect of our lives?
Have Courage and & take flight. Be a tad more spontaneous and see where this life can take you if you stop molding and distorting it with these invisible "rules".

2) 2 parts irrationality = Take yourself less seriously. Be a lil' bit more Crazy. Dare to try something different & take the plunge. If you want to have a tattoo, have it. If you are sick of your job and endless demands, quit it and find a more fulfilling one. If you love to travel and have more than enough money in your bank to do that, take a few months or a year off to see the world. If you love cats, start a shelter to house the homeless abused ones. If you love photography, break your bank and invest in a huge-ass DSLR.
Live life for the moment; live it fiercely and irrationally cos we only have so much time.

3) 1 part rationality = Contrary to what I said above. To preserve 1 part rationality according to my Semi-Spontaneous Theory would be a means to safeguard yourself. Yes, if you crave a tattoo, have one. But if you are working in an enterprise with strict rules (e.g. a government agency), you would think twice about having a bad-ass full-sleeve. Yes, if you are sick of your current job, quit by all means, but do NOT if you have mouths to feed and people who depend strongly on your finances to sustain themselves. If you love to travel, yes, go for it, but not when you have marriage/family Commitments. & most importantly, do not use the excuse of what I mentioned about living life spontaneity to quit school when you naturally don't like school, because education is the best gift a person can give to him/herself.
Education, though not always enjoyable, equips you with various life skills that will benefit you in a long run. Education also allows you to live life irrationally later on because having a better education gives you an edge: More education = better paying job = lesser time in a crappy job = faster it takes to save the equivalent $ to do something you like...much like what I'm applying now. I'm trying to study very hard though I had lost interest so I can get a well-paying job after graduation ("be a corporate dog for 5 years" like what many friends of mine had heard me lament) and then eventually save the $ to set up my own cafe somewhere relaxing and chill (a life-long dream of mine). Somehow people always ask me why I must take this path...but I can tell you the situation in the little island which I live in gives me limited choices (you can't understand unless you are born and bred here with me). Not that I'm complaining much because this little island gave me lots of happiness as well.

Besides my Semi-Spontaneous Theory, I am also getting to a nirvanic stage in terms of understanding myself. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've been a Confused individual for most part of my life. However, I can now safely confirm one of the things I'm getting really Clear at, which is somewhat related to the question my friend posed to me... ... ...
Oft times, I'm shocked as hell when I saw pictures on FB of my old friends getting hitched or carrying their newborns. I can't help but to think about how different our lives are. At 24, I feel that I'm still young & I have the world under my feet. I think I have so much to see in this world as an individual and I still wanna play, enjoy and travel (now it's Eu in a backpack, in 4-5 years time I wanna do a longgg road trip in the States). Thus this question posed to me out of the blue by someone whom I had not seen for more than 12 years sets me thinking: "Should I feel this urgency to settle as well?". But after I've seen and learned so much (from my associations with so many people, from negotiations within myself), I start to think that I want Companionship, & Commitment may or may not need to come with it. By that I still think I am Capable of loving someone a lot, but I do not necessarily require or expect them to promise to Commit i.e., marry me. I admit ,like many other women, I hope to find someone who adores and gets me, someone who would do crazy stuffs with me or fulfill my cafe dreams with me. But I'm totally OK with the idea of companionship without marriage. In fact I'm toying with the idea of cohabitation a lot these days...(attractive idea)... Cohabiting is in fact above marriage for me, if cohabitation is natural with a person, then cohabiting is much better. In simpler terms, I would not think of wanting a marriage just because it is the right thing to do when 2 people date for a long time. What is the right thing? The right thing for me now is happiness. I would not give up someone just because they do not want to marry or that marriage/biological clocks are ticking. I'm strictly for marriage when the "feeling is right" and not when "it is the right thing to do". I would rather cohabit and be extremely happy in each others company than marry and start pulling each others hair.

So if you ask me about life now, I would tell you:
Live life as passionately, fiercely and irrationally as you can. Never look back and regret anything you've ever said or did (because everything happens for a reason and we learn something from each experience). As much as possible, rebel against set rules until you have no choice but to conform. Apply the Semi-Spontaneous Theory in your life :)