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If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change. - Buddha

I know this post came a bit late, but better late than never right? Exams had just ended last friday, after a long haul of 3 weeks or so...and I have 3months worth of holidays! Yipee! It all comes down to watching dvds, waiting for job agents to call me and anticipating my exam results! (I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a gpa of 4.4 & up...I hope!) Do you know how much I really deserve to have fun this hols? And relax and laze however much I want? I had not taken a proper break in ages!!! But lazing doesn't fill my empty pockets, and lounging around doesn't bring me closer to my goal of saving $1800 during my hols, so I better get my ass up and send my cv around. Which I did... Ok, I'm drifting.

Anyway, I vaguely remember that around 2 weeks ago, I accompanied Mitch to Parkway to set up her new account with standard chartered bank. There was a fair deal of waiting & stuff, so I decided to flip through some mags lying on the shelves. I picked the TIME magazine up & they were having a special report on the Virgina Tech shootout. As I read on about how those innocent lives were taken, I can't help but feel immense sadness especially on the part where they have got the pictures of the victims and some introduction on what they were previously pursuing, their dreams and stuff. Before long, my tears had threatened to fall...luckily I had a cap on to obscure me or people would be wondering why the hell was I crying for? The first thing that struck my mind when I read the article was how easily we took living for granted, besides the normal notion that life is unpredictable. Often, people say that "your life is in your own hands", "you are your own destiny"...maybe to a point, this is true. Then again, we sometimes never know what tommorow holds for us. I can't tell what is the last thing on each victim's mind as they pass on, but I'm sure they have not seen it coming...and nobody, nobody deserves to have their life ended in this way. I put myself in their shoes and I felt lost and lonely, knowing that I can't say my last goodbyes, I can't get to see how life treats me after putting in years of education and struggles. I am angry with that guy. Angry that he dared to take matters in his own hands. Angry that he sent that stupid video to justify his actions. If something is so justified, why send a freaking video to explain? I am angry that he took the things that did not belong to him. Things that are justified never need to be explained. At least that's what I thought.

There can never be reasons enough to justify taking people's life into your own hands, there is not even a reason as to why you should even take your own life. Factually speaking, it is a crime to take your own life, be it in Singapore or elsewhere. Everyone of us is given life, a special gift, and we should all learn to appreciate it. Even if life were to be taken, the one doing it should be the one who had given it to us. We all have our fair share of trials and tribulations, bearing it can be tough, it can wear you down, but for anyone who is thinking his/her life is bad, there is always someone worse off. Trust me on that.
There was a time, long ago that I thought that life was unfair, that I deserve a lot better. There was even a time where I entertained thoughts of suicide...and after this passing phrase, I look back and I thought to myself "luckily I took the path of less regret". I can't pinpoint a defining moment as to how I got my thoughts straigtened out, I guess this came with age. I just started looking at things in a different perspective. I looked at my mum & I tried understanding why she was angry with me sometimes. Instead of focusing on her, I asked myself why she was mad at me. I looked at my sis, I wondered why she was the way she was, ever the headstrong and unreasonable one. I tried very hard to reconcile the fact that she was just the way she was, I put aside my previous dislike for her and tried understanding her point of view. Today, I'm proud to say that my relationship with my sister had improved heaps and bounds. I love my mum more than I ever did, & I understood why she did the things that she did. I saw her love for us & through this, I loved my life more. Cos I knew I wasn't selfishly living my life for myself. There is a small part of each of our lives that we need to live for others, so that people would live through us, love us and gain inspiration from us...just like what Albert Einstein said "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile". Never ever think that we don't have the power to inspire others, no matter how big or small we are, we always mean something to our particular others and we inspire them in some way or the other. And this to me, this is the most important thing.

What the Virgina tech shootout reminded me was how life can be fleeting, and how life may not always be ours to live alone. I don't mean to preach or proclaim that I know a lot because I'm still in the process of learning, realising. But I know for sure that I would never give up trying to live a life with lesser regrets. So, to you guys, Carpe diem!